How To Cook An American Turkey

1. Call up the relatives from downstate.

2. Kids play whilst you start a hot fire.

3. Send kids and womenfolk to Busy Bridges for Beanie Babies.

4. Make a salt paste of 40 pounds salt and water.

5. Slather the turkey with the salt mixture.

6. Cover turkey with cotton pillowcase. If you don't have a pillowcase, a cotton tee shirt will work.

7. Encase everything with chicken wire.

8. Throw bird on fire.

9. Cook 45 minutes on each side.

10. Enjoy.



Sorry I've got the picture sideways, Opal!

Starting to get it right, Crystal and Buford!

Hi, Lil and Grizzl! Lost it again!

Success at last, Ox and Ruby!

Owwee is definitely going to have to quit trying to do things so quickly!!






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